100%

We talk about how real we are, but this whole time we have been hiding who we are.  People are fake with real names.  This semester we have been real with fake names.  It's time to be real with real names.  

Thank you for the reveal Nelson.  This last month of class is going to be 100% real, and I CAN'T WAIT.

--Charlie L. Rose
Quincie 

Worn and Faded

Oh Yes

Oh Yes--Charles Bukowski

there are worse things than

being alone

but it often takes decades

to realize this

and most often

when you do

it's too late

and there's nothing worse

than 

too late.

The simplicity and truthfulness of this poem is so beautiful to me.  

We have all been alone, but for some reason it terrifies so many of us.  We are preoccupied with the worry of being alone.  Worrying about something that can be beautiful.  We take so long to learn that being alone we can capture the beauty of the silence and emptiness that surrounds us.

The time we take to finally embrace being alone we lose the most valuable thing we have.  Time.  Time is limited.  Moments cannot be returned.  We have to enjoy the time we have before it is gone, before we are too late.  There's nothing worse than too late.

Unplugged

You've caused a power outage in my heart, and it's creeping into my soul.  I know you're upset.  You keep telling me it's too cold and dark in here.  You say my heart is cold and my soul is growing to be a darker and darker shade of black.

Please help me find a new light.  I've been looking just like you told me to, but it's hard.  It's hard to find light when I'm blindfolded and tied to this place. 

So, I hope you understand why I've given up.  

I'm sorry for giving up.  I'm sorry for not telling you.  I'm sorry that you found out.  I'm sorry you feel distanced.  I'm sorry you feel lied to.  I'm so sorry.  I take complete responsibility for that part.

I just hope you remember what started all of this.  

I hope you remember that you pulled the plug.

Sincerely

You are tearing me bit by bit.  I know you're not doing it intentionally, but I'm frayed and worn from catching you so many times.  There is only one thread that is keeping us both alive.  And I know if you fall again I just won't make it...and neither will you.  Being the reason you shatter will shred me more than even you could.  

So please fix me, replace me, or just stop falling. 

Sincerely, 
your safety net
Charlie L. Rose

Wonderings

• How many stars have exploded in that dark night time sky?
• How many people have I seen throughout my life?
• Why is college a thing?
• Why am I still in Utah?
• Why isn't ice cream healthy?  Calcium right?
• Why are some people so good looking?
• When am I going to die?
• How many potentially perfect moments have I missed?
• How many pictures am I in of people I don't know?
• How am I so awkward?
• Why is it so much easier to go crazy at stag dances?  All the same people are at every single dance...
• How much money would I have if I picked up all the change I found on the ground?
• Why am I still scared to talk to people I've known my whole life?
• When did I lose myself?
• What made you stop believing in what you always taught us?
• Am I actually living?
• Will we really always be friends?
• How do I forget about you?
• Why are we all so afraid of death?  
• What do you dream of when your mind takes a break from reality?
• Can we see the world together?
• Please?

Reasons

You ran a red light.  On purpose.
We hit a cat.  On accident.

She lost.  Because the judge.
They fixed it.  Because they tried.

He died.  For love.
We talked for hours.  For fun.

I didn't sleep.  Too much anxiety.
You left.  Too much to do.

She spoke.  With a purpose.
We were worried.  With a reason.

I was lost.  Without direction.
You gave comfort.  Without a word.

He failed.  By lack of effort.
I fell in love.  By mistake.