Paris

we found it on a map.

there were words and pictures shared about that sacred place.

flights were booked.

flights were canceled.

some planes made it all the way, some crashed and were never found.

some people decided alpine was safer and didn't even check for a flight out of this place we've all called home.

there are some beautifully broken souls that have taken on Paris as if it was theirs from the very start.

those souls will never return.

those souls have found a place where they actually feel at home.

french is being spoken fluently.

english is broken in our utah bubble where we don't even pronounce the "t" in mountain.

those fluent french speakers have mastered their words in the language of their hearts.

Paris has been ignored.

Paris has been imagined.

Paris has been viewed.

Paris has been inhaled.

Paris has been stolen.

Random Real Talk

Real Talk.
My words are usually held at the back of my throat.  
My secrets I've had to keep are scraping holes in my heart. 
My pillow is stained with too many tears.  
My insecurities are spreading like wildfire and there doesn't seem to be enough water to stop it.
My regrets are plastered to the walls in my mind, sometimes I wish I could just move out of my mind.

Real Talk.
I asked my parents if I could move out when I was 15 because I hate Utah.  
I really love the mountains.
I hate the nutcracker music more than anything.
I love getting bruises, they make me feel like I accomplished something.

Real Talk.
I've had the same life plan for as long as I can remember.  
I'm terrified of the dream I have for my life.
I currently have major anxiety thinking about the future.

I didn't realize

I didn't realize that one page could cause a world of chaos.
I didn't realize that I let you down.
I didn't realize that our sanity was hanging on by a thread.
I didn't realize that it would matter.
I didn't realize that one day could be so heart consuming.
I didn't realize that my body held that many tears.
I didn't realize that we were both at our breaking points.
I didn't realize that you felt the way you did.
I didn't realize that I was as lost as I was.

I didn't realize.  I didn't realize.  I didn't realize.

i remember you

I remember how you missed my birthday every year.  I remember the crayons you sent me in the mail, and I remember how they were a melted mess by the time I got them. I remember forts and tents in the basement.  I remember playing hide and seek and Tony got stuck under my bed.  

I remember Hilary Duff.  I remember catching lizards.  I remember ants and the magnifying glass.  I remember hockey in the cul-de-sac.

I remember when crying was because I scraped my knee, not because I scraped my heart.  I remember visiting you in the hospital on your birthday.  I remember hearing you say that you were proud of me.  I remember hating all of your girlfriends.  I remember when you made a cake that tasted like soap.  

I remember when we would get along.  I remember you.

see you later

You taught us to be unique.

You showed us how to dance to our own beat.

You showed us love.

You taught us to breathe as one.

You made us whole.

You taught us to live with our souls.

You are what we strive to be.

You will always have a special place inside of me.

we dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams.--Albert Einstein

Til we meet again.  Much love Lisa Dawg.  You have a beautiful soul.

xoxo--Quincie

BLACKOUT

draped across his chest was an idea, his motive in critical condition